Updated: Feb 25, 2020
"Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something - and it is only such love that can know freedom." – Jiddu Krishnamurti.
What is true love? This seems a very difficult question to answer because we have grown up into a society that has taught us that everything can be bought with money. We are surrounded by advertisements that tell us we are not good looking enough, we are not smart enough, and that there is something about us that needs to be improved so we can be loved. As a result of this, we grow up with fear that no one will ever love us for who we are and that we will never deserve true love because we don't match society's expectations.
As a result of the insecurities that this fear brings, we become afraid to love, and so we shield our hearts to protect us from other people. This brings our energy down, and so we become depressed of living, but we always yearn for love. Just as Shams-i Tabrizi has told us: "a life without love is a waste. “Should I look for spiritual love, or material, or physical love?”, don’t ask yourself this question. Discrimination leads to discrimination. Love doesn’t need any name, category or definition. Love is a world itself. Either you are in, at the center…either you are out, yearning.”
The reason we yearn for love is because we don't love ourselves fully. We can only give what we already have. If there is no love inside of us, how are we going to share it with others? If others don't love themselves, how can we expect them to love us? It is our lack of self love, acceptance, and sovereignty, what creates codependency in our lives. As a result of those feelings, we end up having needy relationships in which we expect others to make us happy, to give us that which is missing inside of us. We cling for a palliative that would end our anxiety, our suffering, and our fear for at least a moment.
The truth is that nothing outside of you will ever complete you. I started this article with a quote from Jiddu Krishnamurti that says "to love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something - and it is only such love that can know freedom." This is such a beautiful sentence that encompasses the essence of unconditional love. If we are expecting or demanding something from others in exchange of our "love" and attention, we are not loving, we are just negotiating in the market.
When we love unconditionally we give others the freedom to grow at their own pace, to be the persons they choose to be without conditions or judgment. But loving others unconditionally is just a result of our self love. This means that when we love ourselves too, we don't let other people hurt us and we create healthy boundaries in our lives. To love is to say: "I love and respect who you are. I might not align with your ways of acting or thinking at this time and that's why I remove myself from situations that disempower me. However, I'll always hold space for you in my heart."
To love unconditionally is to accept everyone for who they are and not try to change them. It is to respect their journeys and give them the chance to learn their own lessons. When we love unconditionally we don't try to make others fit our expectations, we don't try to convince them to think like us, or follow our advice. To love is to honor the Divine in every expression of life, including ourselves.
Thanks for joining me! With love,
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